Grieving the Death of a Parent
The loss of a parent can be like losing your life’s foundation. What do you do when the person you have known since the day you were born is suddenly no longer in your life? Coping with the loss of a parent can be difficult no matter how old you are and how well you got along. There are helpful ways to deal with this loss no matter your age.
Acceptance
When grieving the loss of a parent, remember it is okay to feel. It is normal to feel sad, angry, lonely, helpless, cheated, etc. Take the time to adapt to this change rather than try to control it: this is called acceptance. Try to continue with your daily routine as much as possible, taking each day one at a time. Having an attitude of acceptance after the death of a parent will help make the situation seem less stressful.
Take Care of Yourself
When the unthinkable happens, it can consume and take-over your life. Along with keeping your routine as normal as possible, do not forget to take care of yourself.
Get enough sleep or rest at night. Exercise or move around to help relieve tension, gather your thoughts, and help improve your mood. Drink plenty of water and eat healthy, whole foods. Omega-3 fatty acids, along with exercise, can help increase the serotonin levels in the brain, which can help one feel better. The trans-fats in many comfort foods contain omega-6 fatty acids, which do the opposite of their counterpart.
Do the activities you enjoy. Surround yourself with nurturing, supportive people. Human interaction increases the dopamine levels in the brain, which can help one feel happier and cared about.
Do not consume alcohol or drugs (unless prescribed by a professional) to mask the pain of your loss. Using alcohol or drugs is an unhealthy coping strategy that can lead to dependence, abuse, and addiction. If one finds they are having many difficulties with coping with the loss of a parent, seek help. Call upon a friend, talk to your pastor or spiritual leader, or consider seeking the help of a therapist or support group. These caring people can provide support, perspective, and ideas to help one draw upon their inner-strengths to get through this hard time.
Children and Teens Dealing with Loss
No age group is immune to losing a parent. However, young people may need additional help coping with their loss. When children or teens are upset, stressed out, or sad, they may act out as an attempt to communicate their frustrations. This age group is more at-risk to make poor choices when feeling negative emotions if they do not have the proper skills to deal with these feelings or an adult that is there to guide them through tough times.
Young people need to have their feelings affirmed, even if those feelings seem exaggerated to us. They need to be listened to without judgment and told that what they are feeling is okay and normal. Children and teens may ask several times about the circumstances surrounding their parent’s death or may want to listen in on conversations about the situation. This can help them process the event and make sense of it, which can help them accept what has happened in their lives.
It is important that the caring adults in a young person’s life check-in with them about their thoughts, be an empathic listener, and correct facts about their parent’s death that are incorrect. Children and teens will value honesty about the situation.
Young people may grieve differently than adults. They may not show outward signs of their sadness and may express their grief by drawing pictures of the parent that died, talking about that person, writing poetry, or creating other forms of art. Fears and fantasies need to be dealt with. For example, a young person may think the death of their parent was their fault, they may be unsure of who will care for them, they may wonder if the surviving parent will die soon or if the dead parent will come back soon. It is not uncommon for young people to wonder what their role in the family is as a result of the death and if all illnesses/wars/ (fill in the blank) lead to death.
As we have learned early on, life does not come with an instruction manual. There is no one right way to deal with the difficulty of losing a parent, but several things that may help one cope with their grief in a way that is non-destructive and healthy.
~Flora Richards-Gustafson, 2009
Photo courtesy of Hamed Saber
Tags: coping with death, coping with grief, death of a parent, losing a parent, loss of a parent, parent death
June 17th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Dealing with the death of my father has been the most difficult task in my life. I’ve experienced many changes in my personality and have learned life lessons. I try my best to remember the good times I was able to have with him and always remember that he is watching over me.
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:15 pm
[...] is a freelance writer who frequently writes for Valley of Life. Help your family grieve the loss of a parent. Create a free online memorial in memory of a lost father or [...]
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:32 pm
[...] is a freelance writer who frequently writes for Valley of Life. Help your family grieve the loss of a parent. Create a free online memorial in memory of a lost father or [...]
July 29th, 2009 at 12:23 am
[...] your family grieve the loss of a parent. Create a free online memorial in memory of a lost father or [...]