Memorial Service & Bereavement Information Center

It isn’t fun to plan a memorial service or funeral. After all, attendees of the event are likely to confront powerful emotions as they say their final farewells, recall fond memories, and see others who will sorely miss the deceased. One doesn’t have to be an enthusiastic organizer to see the benefits of a well-planned ceremony, however.

Good organization at memorial services often brings a satisfying sense of closure to those present. As events, accomplishments, and key moments in the life of the deceased are reviewed fondly by family and friends, grief can combine with gratitude to provide an encouraging sense of healing.

Moreover, the inclusion of friends and family members in the service often alleviates stress for the organizer. Keep in mind that passing tasks on to others may not be easy for everyone, since some subconsciously delay the grieving process by constantly keeping busy. Make a special effort to be sympathetic with these individuals, even as you continue to kindly ask how you can help. Contributions from family and friends may allow immediate family members to relax just enough to more fully (and healthily) experience their grief.

Lastly, when family and friends contribute to the ceremony, the event becomes more than just a formality. As individuals join together to express their love for the deceased, each in their own special way, the service becomes a unique tribute. Such unique and unusual ceremonies stay in the minds and hearts of attendees as beautiful memories.

When planning how family and friends can contribute, consider their travel plans, special talents, and interests. Those who fly in from out of town may not have enough time to practice reading a speech or poem. Furthermore, some people crave the spotlight, and will feel comfortable appearing in front of the entire congregation, while others will prefer to fulfill more behind-the-scenes roles. As you ask how guests would like to contribute to the ceremony, let their interests guide your final plans. The graphic designer grandchild probably may not be interested in speaking to the congregation, for instance, but she may interested in photographing the event or designing the program. As you plan the service, continue to question which tasks can be distributed to family and friends, rather than completed by an outside service. You may be surprised at how willingly people step forward to help.

Here are six more ways that friends and family members can contribute their unique talents to a well-planned memorial service.

1. Reading a poem. In their brevity and looseness of form, poems are a powerful tool for expressing unique feelings. If you have enough time to send written notice of the service, include an invitation for poetry. If you suspect a special talent for verse, ask that individual ahead of time if he or she would be interested in sharing their poem at the service. Time and interest will likely constrain how many poems can be included in the service: consider compiling those that can’t be included into a Memory Book. Afterwards, you may choose to send copies of the Memory Book to attendees as a way to thank them for their support. Those who would like to read a poem but aren’t inclined to write one themselves may find appropriate verses written by the deceased. A favorite poem of the deceased can be a beautiful way to end a service.
2. Music also allows people to say what they wouldn’t normally speak out loud; it prevents a sort of mask for expressing our true feelings. Musical family and friends are likely to enjoy playing at the service, where they can allow their instruments to describe their grief. Music lovers may enjoy choosing music for the ceremony, or compiling a CD of the deceased’s favorite tunes for distribution to guests.
3. Making a speech isn’t for everyone, but some people are drawn to honoring the deceased through a short address. As you plan the service, aim for a balanced group of speakers; if you suspect one will be especially heart-felt and tender, seek another to lighten the mood.
4. Social Gurus are key figures at any memorial service. They are most comfortable speaking with others, and are likely to enjoy greeting guests as they enter the church or home. Ask them to help make sure guests are as comfortable as possible.
5. Even those who cannot prepare a performance for the ceremony may be included in the Memory Cards or Online Memorial. Before the ceremony, pass out index cards and pens as guests file into the room. Encourage them to fill out the cards before and during the service, as thoughts and memories arise. Near the end of the service, ask for a couple of people to share their memories with the congregation. No memory is too small to be recalled. Collect the cards at the door as people depart, and include the memories in the Memory Book mentioned above or add them to an online memorial page created in memory of the deceased. Organizing and printing the memory books or setting up the online memorial are yet another way family and friends can contribute.
6. Preparing for the ceremony and/or reception is a crucial job, and one that may overwhelm immediate family members. Tidying up the house, tending the garden, and arranging for food at the reception are good low-cost, high-care tasks for those eager to show their sympathy through deeds.

No one looks forward to organizing and managing memorial services and funerals, but having family and friends help and contribute will help create a memorable, meaningful service that tenderly honors the life of the deceased.

Tags: memorial poem, memorial service, memorial service poetry, online memorial

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 17th, 2008 at 5:04 pm and is filed under Memorial Services. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.