Memorial Service & Bereavement Information Center

It is just as important for friends, family and other loved ones to help the grieving during the holidays as it is for the bereaved to take steps to help themselves during this time of year.  Bereaved individuals need the support, encouragement and time of others during this stressful season to help sooth their worries, comfort their souls and encourage their hearts. Those that are grieving a lost loved one during the holiday season will typically try to maintain the same level of activity as they have in the past.  However, they may not be mentally and physically ready to do all of the decorating, attend all of the holiday parties and do all the holiday shopping that had done in previous years.  It is important that their friends and family help them take care of themselves and alleviate their concerns about meeting expectations.

Supporting the bereaved during the busy, often joyous holiday season takes a sympathetic and loving touch.  Experts suggest that some of the best things we can do to help are to truly exhibit what we should all be – true and caring friends.

Listen
The most important thing is to remember to listen. Listen sincerely and openly. Don’t attempt to change the subject if the conversation gets uncomfortable for you. It is the grieving that needs to get these feelings out into the open.  Listeners can remind the other of favorite holiday memories of the deceased or about the positive aspects of the season. It is important however not to try to control the conversation. The bereaved may need to talk through some of the emotions he or she is having.

The key to being a good listener is to being an honest listener.  The grieving must be confident that conversations are private if that is what they want. Nothing can set back someone’s personal grieving process further than feeling betrayed by a friend and confidant.

Be There
Though the holiday season can often times seem very hectic, it is important to open up your schedule to your grieving friend. Quality time together can be very calming. Plan to watch a holiday movie together or share lunch and coffee. Surprise your friend by dropping by with a craft project or board game, but be ready to just sit and talk if he or she is feeling down. Whatever you do, make sure it is enjoyable for you as well as your friend or loved one. No one wants to feel like they’re being kept company out of pity.

Sometimes what the bereaved need most during this time of year is help getting things done.  Be available to run errands or help with housework if that is what is needed. Offer to spend an afternoon putting up decorations or a Christmas tree if they would like or pick up groceries and make dinner one evening.  It is both little and small things that can sometimes be overwhelming for those that are dealing with a death in the family.

Provide Encouragement
Exercise and eating healthy are natural antidepressants, so encourage your friend to live well. Many people will lose the desire to take care of their physical selves when grieving or depressed, and this can lead to even greater emotional strains. Being a dining pal or gym buddy may be just the motivation your grieving friend needs when the holidays gets them low.

The holiday season can bring about conflicting feelings in the bereaved; the joy and happiness of the holiday season is at odds with the grief and sorrow of having lost a loved one. However a good support group of people that love them will help make the season a little brighter.

~Ben Nystrom, 2008

Photo courtesy of Kris deCurtis

Tags: grief support, helping the bereaved, holiday death, holiday grief support

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 11th, 2008 at 2:33 pm and is filed under Grief & Loss. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.