Talking to Family About Funeral Preplanning
Whether you have firm opinions on what type of funeral service you’d like or what medical treatment you want to receive in your final days, it’s important to communicate your desires to your family sooner rather than later. Waiting for the unforeseen to happen means you risk leaving your loved ones to make difficult decisions in the midst of their pain and grief.
Many people find it unpleasant to think or talk about their own deaths, but preplanning a funeral may be one of the best things you can do for the people in your life. With the holidays approaching and families coming together to celebrate, now may be a good time to think about discussing your final wishes with those closest to you.
Benefits of preplanning a funeral
Many people avoid discussing end-of-life preparations with their loved ones for fear of causing feelings of stress or sadness. But planning your funeral and talking about it beforehand is beneficial to everyone for several reasons:
- You will relieve your grieving loved ones of much of the stress and painful decision making associated with planning a funeral.
- You will have the chance to convey to them what things are important to you.
- You can ensure you and your remains are treated in accordance with your own values regarding life and death.
- You’ll minimize disputes between family members
- You could end up sparing your family unnecessary expenses on funeral options that don’t align with your wishes.
End-of-life care
Funeral preparations aren’t the only decisions you should consider making ahead of time. In the event that you become terminally ill, it’s a good idea to let your family members know what type of care you wish to receive during your final days. Things you might want to think about include:
- In whose hands you would like to leave your health care decisions in case you become unable to make them for yourself. This doesn’t necessarily have to be the same person you choose to handle your financial matters.
- What medical treatments you wish to receive. You can decide whether to be given pain medication, artificial nutrition, and hydration.
- Whether you wish to be resuscitated if your heart stops or you stop breathing.
- Where you wish to spend your final days. You may wish to stay at home rather than be hospitalized.
Broaching the subject
When discussing your final wishes, you should begin by having a conversation with yourself in which you look closely at your desires and begin articulating your choices. Do you want to be buried or cremated? Would you prefer a traditional funeral service or something different? How would you like to be remembered?
It’s a good idea to speak with funeral directors at this stage to get a feel for the available options and what they cost. They can help you determine what decisions need to be made.
Once you’ve figured out your own preferences, it is time to broach the subject with your family. This is a good time to ask for their input, yet you should also be clear and firm about what you want. It can be a difficult and emotional conversation, but making sure everyone is on the same page is an important part of the process. It can sometimes be helpful to include outside people, such as a clergy member or your family physician.
As you proceed with your funeral preplanning, it’s a good idea to put your specific wishes in writing and leave a copy with at least one trusted loved one. This will help alleviate confusion or disputes later on. However, keep in mind that any verbal or informal conversations you have about your decisions may not be enforceable. In order to legally ensure your wishes will be carried out, you’ll need a legal and witnessed document such as a will, a living will, or a medical directive.
Once you’ve made your wishes clear, you can enjoy the peace of mind of knowing you’ve done everything you can to make your funeral and final days as easy as possible for those who are left behind.
~Nicole Krueger, 2009
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Download the Valley of Life Guide to Children and Grief ebook.
Tags: end of life arrangements, end of life care, end-of-life, funeral planning, funeral preplanning
December 7th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
What great information you have provided, now if only there were more education about pre-planning and why you should discuss your end of life wishes while you are of sound mind and body. Thanks for this great contribution.
January 6th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
Thank you for your kind words JoAnne! We are actually working on a comprehensive guide to funeral pre-planning because, like you, we feel that information is hard to find and often times overwhelming. We would love to have you preview the book when it becomes available this year.
Stay tuned!
~Miri Rossitto