Appropriate Funeral Behavior
When you have to go to a funeral or memorial service, it can be hard to know how to act or what is appropriate. The following is a guide to help ensure you do not make a difficult situation awkward.
- Dress appropriately. Although all-black clothing is the traditional couture for a funeral, it is more acceptable today to wear clothing that is lighter in color. However, funerals and memorial services are still considered formal events. Just because the colors of the dress code have changed slightly, this does not mean it is a good idea to look like you just rolled out of bed or are going to hang out with a friend for a night of pizza and billiards.
- Keep your tribute speeches meaningful. It is great to have many people to share their memories of the departed, but when you want to share, keep it short. During this difficult occasion, the attention span of those in attendance is lacking, and others may want to share a story, as well. Help keep the service moving along by keeping your story at an appropriate length and meaningful.
- Stay away from alcohol. Alcohol and grief do not mix. Avoid doing or saying something you may later regret by abstaining from alcohol before, during and/or after a funeral service, and enjoy the punch or coffee offered instead.
- When you do not know what to say to the bereaved, it is okay. Sometimes a kind smile and a hug is better than an awkward exchange of words. If you are at a loss for words, let the bereaved speak first and follow their lead. Doing this may especially be especially helpful for grieving children.
The #1 thing to remember when it comes to appropriate funeral behavior is to keep in mind you are there out of respect for the departed and the family. Funerals are events that show how finite lives really are. If you have specific ideas about how you want to be remembered at your own service, help your family by preplanning your funeral and arranging end-of-life details such as a living will or trust. Doing so can help your family and friends have peace of mind.
[photo: sridgway]
Tags: funeral behavior, funeral etiquette, planning a funeral
