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 Post subject: Freedom to feel . . .
Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 7:45 pm 

Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 8
I recently had a beautiful conversation with a friend of my brother's. This man had recently, three weeks prior, lost his fiance tragically in suicide and was in the very throws of grief. He told me in great detail about how he was dealing with grief and went on tell me about the kind of person she was. His desire was for me to know her through him, and to appreciate the things about her that he loved.
He asked me if I was ever angry at my dad after he died or even the situation in general, and I told him that I did get to that point but it took me a long time to get there. He went on to say that he didn't think he could ever get there because he loved her too much to be angry with her.
I remember feeling like this. As if anger would somehow negate my love for my father, and that if I loved him I needed to bottle up any negative memories or feelings I had. When I finally allowed myself to "feel what I feel" I embraced my anger and was able to heal in my grief process.
My encouragement to you is simply this: feel what you feel. It is real, and you need to face it in order to move forward. It is not easy to be angry at someone who is gone, and you will likely feel bad for feeling the way you do. But know that it is part of the process. Additionally, it does not have to be anger towards the person, but maybe it is anger at God or the situation in general. Embracing what you feel and moving through it is part of being an emotionally healthy person.

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Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 10:12 pm 

Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 2:05 am
Posts: 90
Carrie - this is great advice. Confronting all of your emotions is necessary as you move through the stages of grief. Your friend was lucky to have you to talk to.

One question - how did you feelings of anger manifest themselves? Did you just think them or did you break down while talking with someone? Feel free to share as much as you are willing but I'm curious how "visible" those feelings of anger have to be.

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