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'Dad' was a man who could fix or build most anything. He taught us all so much. He was a man who loved tools, my husband. His hand tools looked like those of a blacksmith. They had that grimy well used look to them.

By the 2nd Christmas without him, I had pretty well gone through the garage and assessed the damage. Clearly he had purchased new tools every time he couldn't find the one he needed. He had also stocked up on the basics when the opportunity for a good deal presented itself. I purchased 4 empty tool boxes, one for each of my kids, and began to divide up the extra tools. To these I added some that he always had with him. He carried a "tweeter" in his pocket for checking electrical current, as well as a small notebook and pencil for recording ideas, needs and details. Many of his work shirts were beyond use or repair, but made very good rags.

On Christmas Eve, we share one gift and those of any visitors we have for the evening. On our 2nd Christmas without Dad, I brought out the tool boxes. The kids loved best their "Daddy shirt rags" which of course smelled like him. We talked about the tools we had received from this very capable man and those that he could never seem to attain. The tools he lacked could not be purchased at the home improvement department.

Many of our life tools are passed from generation to generation. So are the absences of such. If the people who raised us didn't possess certain abilities, they were not able to equip us or model them, and so it was with this man. He so wanted to cope well with life but in some arenas he couldn't find the tools or they just didn't feel right in his hands. [/quote]

Lisa,

I love the many ways your family has weathered the holidays since the loss of your husband. From everything I have ready, honoring his memory and starting new traditions are key to working through the sadness that the holidays can sometimes bring.

Since my aunt passed away three years ago, we always seem to spend Christmas Eve telling little stories about her, memories of her during the holidays, the gifts she had given us in the past - those little moments we don't want to forget. It actually is a very happy conversation and it helps us vocalize those tinges of sadness we always feel a little when the family gathers around the Thanksgiving table or sits around the Christmas tree.

There are a couple of new articles posted by Valley of Life that talk about support and grieving during the holidaysfor those that may be interested in reading them.