Tell people what you need!

[LisaW]

We are never the same again......Death rips away our skin like no other experience in life. This would be easier if we had a peel like a banana, tough and protective but made to be removed. We are so attached to our skin that the removal of it is violent. We are left bleeding and raw and utterly helpless to do anything to relieve the pain on our own.

Grieving together with those who share your wounds is the first step to healing. Find someone who also knew your loved one and tell them what you need from them. If you want to talk about the person, you need to tell them. If you need to talk about something totally unrelated, tell them. If you need to say or hear nothing at all, tell them. Tell people what you need. If no such person exists for you, then join a grief support group. They do not know your special person, but they do know the pain you are facing.

Another important step is to take care of yourself. Sometimes we have so much pain that we don't even know all of the wounds where we are losing blood. See your primary care physician and have them keep tabs on your overall well being. Like me, you may have some "internal bleeding" that no one is seeing. My blood pressure was out of control and I would have never known it.

Again, I cannot stress this enough, tell people what you need and be specific. If you have no idea what you need, then tell someone that you need help figuring it out.

Skinless it great for chicken, but not for grieving people. Let others be a covering for you in these days.

[JillianM]

I have read countless articles on the grieving process and they all say that talking about your feelings, talking about what you need is so important to healing. What is interesting about these studies is that they recognize that not everyone will be able to verbalize these feelings right away. Sometimes, people have to start by "talking" to a journal or through music or even by creating something like the memorials on this site. Just doing SOMETHING to get feelings and needs out of your head and onto or into something else is a great first step and usually is a needed first step before people can talk openly to a friend, family member or support group.

This isn't always the case, but I definitely think for some people grieving it may be the right step to get them through the door.